Uh, you can critique it if you want. If you're dumb, you may not know that Billy is short for William. A "Billy Shakespeare couple" refers to starcross lovers, fated to be perfect for each other. Ya'know.
I am comma happy too. I used 134 commas in a paper recently, because I wrote it when I was tired, and when I get really tired, I get realy stream-of-conscienceish. I used 11 in one sentence, and had three sentences with 7 in that other essay. I haven't done a final draft yet for this one, either, mind you.
I'm using this for four of my five applications. I can't use it for SUNY Bing, but, plug in Fordham, manhattan, St Johns, or Mount Saint Vincent, in the blank.
I wish propagandic was a word. I changed it to Propagandist.
I also wish I could use contractions on a college application. It hampers my beautiful, beautiful voice to not use contractions. Meh.
Last line is REALLY corny, but, it's important that they think I'm a worthwhile investment. Even though *I* will be doing all the investing. Suckas...or am I the sucka? hmm... =)
Here we go: My 'Personal Statement' or, vague descriptive essay that, along with my 1270 and the mediocre GPA I put together by slacking, hold they keys to my future.
Define yourself in one of two words, just sum up all your beliefs, ideals, opinions, and convictions into a single color: red or blue. (Because, seriously, green is just silly)
Oh… your personal creed does not perfectly align, like a Billy Shakespeare couple, with either the GOP dogma or the Democrat’s Doctrine? Well get to it son, you’re nearly eighteen! Absolve yourself from your small-minded ideas, and join the partisan battle for the aisle! It is the American way!
…Or is it?
Choosing my political party has been an arduous task for me, and it’s not through some paralyzing bout of indecisiveness. As captain of my varsity football team, in charge of off season workouts and weightlifting, an iron will has been integral to my success. To resist drugs when “everyone else was doing it” required a steely resolve. No, it’s my optimism; my wonderful, ignorant enthusiasm for learning in a blissfully naïve quest for ‘understanding’ that keeps my eyes so in the gray, I can’t help but to shape my views from a different stone that is neither sparkling ruby nor glittering sapphire. It is the juxtaposed stars and stripes, and Rage Against the Machine posters beside my bed that do it to me. It has to be: I seem to be one of the few that is stubbornly refusing to assimilate into either of the two massive entities that are American Politics, without giving up on the system entirely.
Submitting to the status quo simply is not appealing to me. No amount of media training or propagandist spin will convince me to adopt some alien mindset that contradicts my own. There is nothing innately wrong with popular sentiment, but it is vital to me that I know what I believe in, and why. If we agree, great! If we disagree, great! That is one of many reasons I am humbled, and proud, to be an American. Just because I have my own ideas does not mean I am right or wrong… I am seventeen years old, and the world still has a ton of learning to do me. That is why I am applying to ____________ in the hub of society, the greatest city on earth, New York. Nowhere but here will the opportunities that college education offers be as boldfaced and promising, nowhere else will I be able to explore my own potential, and that of this planet, under such expert tutelage. I chose my political party… I am a sheltered idealist. But, I am learning and I hope to liberate myself from this shell while evolving at your institution.
From there, these dreams of bettering the world do not seem foolish at all.